Khwisero: Lonely wives turn to fathers-in-Law for intimacy amid rising HIV and infidelity

Last week, a bodyguard of Khwisero MP Christopher Aseka struggled to contain an angry and visibly distressed woman who confronted the legislator during the launch of a water project in Khukholomani area, Kakamega County.

The commotion, witnessed by local residents, had little to do with the usual grievances about poor roads, bursaries, insecurity, or electricity. Instead, it turned deeply personal-centred on domestic abandonment and the crisis of intimacy in rural homes.

"Mheshimiwa," she asked sharply, "where is my husband, and what do you expect me to do now? It's been two years."

The woman later explained that her husband had left for Nairobi in search of greener pastures two years earlier and had never returned.

"Loneliness is killing me," she lamented. "I've tried to remain faithful, but I'm now unable. I've seen my friends - women like me - turning to their fathers-in-law for sexual satisfaction. Others are seeking it from other men."

"I'm still young. I've tried to endure, but I'm now tempted to do what others are doing. For how long must I pretend and suffer?" she asked, her voice rising. "My husband clearly has someone else in Nairobi. His needs are met. What about mine?"

Companionship

Locals say the long absence of men from Khwisero has triggered an alarming trend: some women are turning to their fathers-in-law for companionship and sex, leading to rising HIV infections, unwanted pregnancies, and bitter domestic feuds.

Community elders now warn that younger men who abandon their marital responsibilities risk losing their wives to older, more available men.

According to MP Aseka, the woman's outburst captured the heartbreak, desperation, and moral complexity now unravelling in many homes across Kakamega.

"I'm increasingly overwhelmed with domestic disputes - some bordering on scandal," he said. "Absent husbands are turning their marriages into silent battlegrounds marked by betrayal, loneliness, and rising HIV infections."

Aseka did not mince words.

"HIV is becoming a serious issue in Khwisero," he said. "And a major contributor is that many women are engaging in affairs-including, shockingly, with their fathers-in-law because their husbands have been away for too long."

He said men from the area often leave for Nairobi, Mombasa, Qatar, or even to work as boda boda riders in Bungoma in search of income. But many disappear for years-leaving young wives and children behind.

"Yes, it's that bad," Aseka continued. "Women are sleeping with their husbands' fathers. Why? Because the men left and never returned. HIV is now spreading quietly within marriages."

The MP recounted one particularly jarring case: a woman, abandoned for two years, told him she had effectively buried her husband in her heart.

"She said to me, 'It's not just poverty-it's emotional and physical neglect. For two years I've had no visits, no money, no calls. What do you expect me to do?' I had no answer," Aseka said.

He stressed that such cases are no longer isolated. "They are multiplying and now dominate my office more than development matters."

"I came to build roads and sponsor children's education. Now I'm stuck mediating who slept with whose wife, and why a man returned from Nairobi to find his wife pregnant with another man's child."

According to the MP, some marriages have deteriorated beyond repair.

"Children are being born out of wedlock. HIV is being passed between unsuspecting spouses. And yes, in a few shocking cases, women have had affairs with their husbands' fathers," he said.

Extramarital affairs

Aseka added that in some cases, it is the returning men who bring HIV home. But increasingly, women too are engaging in extramarital affairs - sometimes with relatives, neighbours, or even in-laws.

"These men vanish - no money, no communication - and expect everything to be the same when they return. But life has moved on," he said.

He urged families to rethink their approach to migration and marital separation.

"If your son is in the city, ask him to come home or send for his wife. Otherwise, don't be shocked when things fall apart," he warned. "Young men must take responsibility. We cannot have families separated for years. That is not marriage."

Elder James Otieno from Ekonjero village confirmed the disturbing trend.

"In the past month alone, I've handled at least seven cases of women having sexual relationships with their fathers-in-law," he said.

"In every case, the complaint is the same -long-term abandonment by their husbands. The only available man in the homestead is often the father-in-law, and he steps in to 'fulfil' conjugal rights."

Otieno warned that the community is facing a social and moral crisis.

"We are now dealing with incest -taboo under Luhya culture. Children are being born out of wedlock. Infidelity is widespread. STIs are on the rise. This is becoming dangerous," he said.

He added that younger fathers-in-law are often the ones implicated, particularly where daughters-in-law are also young and newly married.

"We need church leaders and community elders to intervene and teach young men about their responsibilities. If this is left unaddressed, we are staring at a societal disaster," Otieno said.

He concluded grimly: "If young men continue to neglect their roles, their wives will be taken by the elderly - who are ready, willing, and available."