"Don't ask for Dubai trip if partner can only afford coffee": King Kalala's brutal Valentine's advice

King Kalala, Kenya’s queen of wit and humour, has set social media ablaze with her hilarious yet brutally honest take on Valentine’s Day.

In a viral Instagram video, the media personality, whose real name is Prudence Chepkirui, dished out advice that left netizens in stitches while sparking a much-needed conversation about love, expectations, and the art of avoiding awkward surprises on February 14th.

With her signature sass, Kalala called out Kenyans for playing games when it comes to Valentine’s Day.

“If you’re taken, just say it!” she exclaimed, mocking those who give vague excuses like “let me sleep on it” when asked to be someone’s Valentine. “It’s a yes or no question, people!” she quipped, sending her followers into a frenzy of laughter.

But Kalala didn’t stop there. She dropped a truth bomb: having a boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t automatically make them your Valentine.

“There’s a whole pre-game event before Valentine’s Day,” she joked, reminding couples to align their expectations beforehand.

And for the men? She hilariously warned them to keep their gift expectations low. “Socks, boxers, or a tie, that’s your lot. If you’re lucky, maybe a watch or cufflinks,” she teased, confirming what many Kenyans have long suspected about Valentine’s Day gifts.

Kalala also had some sage advice for the ladies: stay realistic and within your partner’s budget.

“If you agreed to date someone, don’t demand a trip to Dubai when they can only afford coffee,” she said, urging women to appreciate what their partners can offer without setting unrealistic demands.

Her final piece of advice? Know where you stand in your relationship before February 14th.

“Ask the big question: ‘What are we?’” she urged, adding that clarity saves time, avoids heartbreak, and prevents awkward surprises.

Her fans flooded the comments with jokes, memes, and praise.