Change happens, even in relationships

Change happens, even in relationships (Photo: iStock)

This should come as a warning that nothing in life is static. We all have an idea about the formations of block mountains and the shifting of tectonic plates underneath.

Biology taught us that all living things locomote, it is a primary feature of everything that lives and breathes. Humans are part of the Kingdom animalia and therefore fall right within this description.

Perhaps biology should have emphasised that everything that is able to locomote is able to change. My memory goes back to the stages of formation of a butterfly and how it morphs from some ugly stages to become the beauty that decorates the skies.

It is foolhardy to imagine that people won’t change in a relationship. We should be constantly aware of the changes our partners might be experiencing or accommodating. The best way to keep abreast is by having constant communication with our partners, knowing the books they are reading or friends they keep out there.

Suddenly, a man who was a laid-back engineering student in college is bitten by the bug for politics and goes all out to run for office, drawing with it all the murky trappings of a political contest.

His woman is suddenly sucked up into a lifestyle of being a Mheshimiwas wife, something that she never saw coming. Suddenly her family does not only have to deal with the attention of the media and endless scrutiny from the public but also a missing father and an absentee husband who is too busy serving the nation.

Life takes a different shape, form, and direction. A girl, formerly timid and maybe a conservative Adventist, plunges into the corporate space and mingles with the liberal free-spirited options at work.

She then embraces the daredevil attitude and surprises the husband by wanting to be more adventurous in bikinis and sexy lingerie.

If the man expected a good wife, he suddenly has to deal with a clubbing woman who has no problem spending the whole weekend away from the children in the name of fun. People change. Some for the good and others for the bad.

People should embrace changes, and constant communication helps a couple stay in synchrony in a relationship or marriage as things advance and change.

Even beliefs can change over time, and a man who wants a stay-at-home wife can suddenly decide that he wants his woman to be out there looking for money and helping with the bills. It could be the converse – a man wanting his educated wife to stay at home and stop exposing herself in public to be admired by other men.

All these can be causes of bitter conflict depending on the level of preparedness and ability of two persons to adapt. Several relationships that started well have failed because of the inability of one spouse to adjust to the changes of the other. “Life begins at forty” is a saying that captures certain realities of growth.

At 40, most couples are more focused on themselves. Women tend to pay more attention to their beauty and want to rediscover their sexiness and confidence and perhaps scout for reassurance. They dress better, smell better, and are on the lookout for an opportunity for adventure. Men thus have to be alert to the needs of their wives at this stage and offer the excitement forty might come with.

While he might not perform like a rogue stallion anymore, he can embrace the woman’s suggestion to introduce supporting implements to aid the journey to cloud nine every Friday.

Such is the life of humans. It is full of change.

Three beautiful children later, what does a man do when his hitherto petite yellow Kamba trophy wife suddenly becomes a sack of flabby, shapeless, and inflexible mama with stretch marks that look like tributaries of River Nile?


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