Who will bury you? When burials are a must-go

I love village burials. I do not look forward to people’s deaths just so I can attend their burials, but when they happen, as they always do, it is only fair to look for the silver lining in them.

The world we live in today, the one of chasing the shilling and constant rat race, dictates that family and friends no longer meet as often as they used to. We rely on social media to catch up, because we have become lazy in even making phone calls. Christmas and Easter holidays were a time when families got together, but many people are choosing not to attend these gatherings more and more.

That leaves burials. Very few people have the guts to miss the burial of family members and friends. You will be forgiven for missing a wedding, but you will be harshly judged for not attending a burial unless you are either stuck abroad as an illegal immigrant, or in a hospital bed. All else can be postponed, which is weird, because I am pretty sure that in the Bible, there is a verse that says something about letting the dead bury themselves.

Burials are where people hook up and catch up and make promises they have no intention of keeping, promises, such as hooking up during happier times. Burials is where we gauge how well or bad someone is doing since the last burial. The fattened ones will be noted, so will the ones who will have made enmity with cholesterol. Those with unfamiliar cars, people will whisper behind their backs and wonder if it is their car or borrowed. There will always be the woman who is pregnant in every burial and people will giggle from statements, such as ‘she is replacing the dead.’ Dark, dark sense of humour. There is of course the constant village drunk dancing next to the casket and being very emotional.

‘Aura for aura’ is a phrase used to describe returning energies in equal measure. That is what village burials are like. If, when you were alive, you did not attend people’s burials, you shall be paid in equal measure beyond the grave. It should not really matter to the dead because, you know, they are dead, but it is I guess, embarrassing when your loved one’s burial is attended by a handful.

Burial attendance numbers are a serious flex in the village. You will hear a lot of people proclaim your good record in attending burials. If a burial is well attended, the village will be abuzz for a few days after, and people will declare how proud of the dead they are for pulling such a huge crowd. Which brings me to my point. Why are people so bothered about what happens to their bodies after they die? Being a largely Christian community, you would think people would be more bothered with the spirit, not the decaying matter? I was in one village burial, standing with some old friends, family and some nemesis, doing what we do, which is analysing other attendees.

It was a well-attended burial and it is the reason we were not inside the church. It was full. My nemesis then said, “Attending church is important as the church will bury you.” It was an indirect personal attack on my person as it is well-known I do not subscribe to the faith that requires people to attend church. I have heard all sorts of reasons why people go to church, the main one is the bid to secure eternal happiness after death. My favourite one – churches are cheaper than pubs and the people are just as beautiful if you like that sort of thing. But, that people can go to church solely for the reason that they will get somebody to bury was a new kind – can the family not just do it?

This, from people who not too many generations ago threw the dead to the forest to fatten the hyenas? When they stopped doing that, they became Christians who worried more about the spirit, which was nothing new because the spirit was always more important anyway, reason bodies were literally discarded. Do you care how your body will be disposed?

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