Behind the smile, the unseen emotional labour of women in hospitality

A guest arrives after a long journey. A child grows restless at dinner. A celebration unfolds. A woman in uniform quietly steps in before she is called. She soothes, serves and keeps things running.

For Irene Kiroko, a receptionist at Fedha+ Elsie Ridge in Nairobi, returning to work six months after giving birth came with constant anxiety. During difficult shifts, she would quietly reassure herself: “All will be well.”

One day, panic struck when her nanny failed to answer repeated calls. Convinced something had happened to her baby, she rushed home, only to find the child safe.

“I imagined the worst,” she recalls.

Returning from maternity leave, she says, brought challenges she never anticipated. At home, motherhood required constant emotional presence. At work, hospitality demanded calmness, attentiveness and an unwavering smile.

The transition was made easier by colleagues who stepped in during difficult moments, checked on her well-being, and offered support without judgment.

“In those moments, you realise how much women silently carry while still showing up fully for other people,” she says.

That silent emotional labour is one of hospitality’s least visible skills.

For Faith Melanie, a restaurant supervisor at Cafe Amka, motherhood sharpened her ability to understand people without words.

“There are days you immediately notice a guest is not okay even before they speak,” she says. “Sometimes it is in their face, their silence or the way they sit.”

Years of caring for others have taught her to recognise discomfort instinctively. She has organised surprise birthdays, comforted weary parents and quietly checked on guests who seemed emotionally withdrawn.

Yet she knows what it feels like to serve others while carrying personal burdens.

“It takes all of a mother’s strength to show up fully for a client when her personal life may be falling apart,” she says.

Beyond motherhood, Faith also balances marriage, work and further studies, a juggling act common among women in hospitality.

At KASA Malindi, Food and Beverage Manager Michelle Ikoe understands the pressure well.

Leadership demands authority, while motherhood requires emotional presence—roles women are often expected to carry at the same time.

She recalls missing important moments in her child’s life because of work.

“No mother wants her child to see her failing, yet maternal instinct still shows up even under pressure,” she says.

KASA Malindi General Manager Audrey Fabre says hospitality rarely pauses for personal emotions.

Guests continue arriving. Meals must be served. Complaints need resolving. Events require coordination.

Meanwhile, many women are quietly worrying about sick children, unanswered phone calls from home or milestones they may miss because they are serving others.

“It is a constant emotional balancing act,” Fabre says.

The same dynamic plays out in dining rooms.

Waitress Beryl Jane has become known for calming restless children during family meals.

On one occasion, she distracted an unhappy toddler with crayons and drawing paper while sourcing a child-friendly chair and cup so exhausted parents could finish their meal in peace.

The irony, she admits, is that while she is caring for someone else’s child, she is often away from her own.

Across the hospitality industry, women share similar experiences—missing birthdays, school events and family milestones while balancing the demands of work and motherhood. Some return to work soon after childbirth, while others quietly carry grief, anxiety or exhaustion. What often helps them cope is the support they find in fellow women at the workplace.

At Cozy Residences, housekeeping supervisor Alice Jerotich remembers colleagues rallying around a staff member who lost one of her twin babies shortly after birth. Workloads were adjusted. Space was given for healing. Support came quietly but consistently.

“These are moments that remind you women understand each other differently,” she says.

Susan Njuguna, Human Resource Manager at Mawimbi Seafood Restaurant, believes the demands of motherhood often make women stronger hospitality professionals.

“The care becomes instinctive rather than performative,” she says.

At Cafe Amka, founder Wangui Ndegwa advocates for compassion-driven leadership, ensuring mothers feel supported during difficult periods and celebrated during important milestones.

“A small gesture matters,” she says. “Sometimes women just want to feel seen.”

At Ulwazi Place, Restaurant Captain Alice Wangari recalls being granted time off to attend her son’s sports day — a moment she feared missing.

For General Manager Aurelia Wambua, empathy in leadership is rooted in personal experience.

“When you have struggled as a mother, you become softer toward other women going through the same thing,” she says.

That philosophy resonates with Samantha Muna, CEO and co-founder of Trianum, who believes workplace cultures improve when women support one another through the realities of motherhood.

“Things change when mothers support fellow mothers at the workplace,” she says.