9 touching ways to check in on the fathers in your life

Fathers are hardly ever asked how they are really doing.

This Father's Day, Jabali Wellness Centre opened a conversation online around how families can meaningfully check in on the fathers in their lives.

They say that fathers are expected to provide stability and guidance, but they need a space to express how they are doing.

“Ask how they are doing, not only about work and children,” they wrote.

Consultant psychologist James Bosse pushes this conversation forward by outlining nine ways you can check in on the fathers in your life, today and even after the Father’s Day celebrations.

1. Ask how he is really doing

James explains that checking in helps fathers validate themselves emotionally; they may otherwise set aside in silence.

James notes that fathers are socialised to suppress emotion and define themselves through provision rather than vulnerability. Then they start to recognise feelings they may have set aside.

"Asking open-ended questions and having conversations helps fathers get in touch with themselves. When asked how we are doing, it shows that the people we care about also care about us,” he says.

He shares that fathers feel supported when they engage in honest conversations. It can improve communication and relationship satisfaction. It improves wellbeing and resilience by reducing psychological burdens such as stress and anxiety.

Noticing signs such as withdrawal, irritability, or fatigue which can help families respond earlier and with more understanding.

2. Spend quality time together

James says that presence communicates attention and belonging. He encourages creating lasting memories through having a meal, taking a walk, watching a movie or sport, or any of their favourite activities.

Not every check-in needs words; sitting together in silence can be a form of comfort. Fathers value this kind of quiet companionship, which is undemanding while still enhances emotional bonding.

“Regular times spent together improve conversations, and that means it reduces misunderstanding and deepens family attachment,” he says.

3. Express specific appreciation

General praise can easily be lost in routine, but specific appreciation lands differently. Celebrating him according to his personality makes them feel understood and honoured. For instance, he points out that an introvert father may enjoy a quiet dinner while an extrovert may enjoy dinner with family and relatives.

“Naming exactly what someone does well makes it more personal and memorable. For instance, I love DIY; I’ll attach memories when my wife buys me tools. It affirms identity in a way generic compliments rarely do,” he says.

4. Listen to his stories

James observes that fathers hold life experiences and lessons that are not always heard. Inviting them to share stories without judgement strengthens trust.

He explains that listening is an act of respect and deepens family understanding.

5. Offer practical help

Help doesn’t always need to be emotional; sometimes it is physical or practical. He says assisting with tasks, working with them, easing burdens, and conversing with them as they work are ways of checking in and showing them that they are not alone.

“Men are particular in what we do. We appreciate practical help when it meets the standards that we have set. When it doesn’t, you can just admire our skills as we do the task,” he advises.

He notes that practical help conveys empathy, partnership, recognition of their workload, and care.

6. Encourage his interests and passions

Supporting a father’s hobbies, goals, interests, and social activities is another meaningful way of checking in on him. James expresses that fathers will benefit from having an identity beyond their caregiving and providing roles, and also supports psychological well-being.

“When men attain the age of 40, our stamina starts going down. Encouraging us in our interests and passions like fitness can boost stamina that will make us look younger and active,” he says.

7. Check in through regular communication

He recognises that when men get to the age of 40 and start to crave solitude in a man cave, they also desire communication, or else they may fall into depression. Consistent phone calls, messages, and visits help fathers feel cared for. It builds their resilience.

“It makes us feel assured that we are important in the lives of our family. We feel remembered and included because sometimes we feel overwhelmed when we are only remembered when people are in need,” he says.

8. Make rest acceptable

Rest is ignored in the lives of fathers who are expected to provide consistently. Jabali Wellness Centre says that you can gently remind the fathers in your life to normalise rest.

“Make rest okay. Fathers give care; they need it too. Say it plainly, therapy is for dads too,” they wrote.

9. Keep checking in after Father’s Day

James believes that the most lasting impact comes when these forms of care are more consistent. Positive interactions increase feelings of communication, emotional security, family cohesion, a greater sense of belonging, understanding, and stronger attachment.

They also exist beyond their roles as providers and feel seen, heard, and cared for as people first.

“It is much more impactful when you make a routine. Establish regular check-ins and scheduled conversations and outings throughout the year,” he encourages.