Are modern parents raising children who cannot cope?

Thirty years ago, dawn broke with the clatter of jerricans.

Children, balancing yellow containers, walked to the river before school. Others milked cows, swept compounds, or pounded maize. Chores were not optional; they were life.

Fast forward to today. In many urban homes, mornings are about school runs and packed lunches, with parents or hired help ensuring beds are made and uniforms pressed. Many children head out without lifting a finger. Parents whisper to themselves: "Are we raising children who cannot cope?"

Family coach Catherine Mugendi remembers it differently. "Chores taught teamwork, resilience, and self-reliance; they weren't chores, they were life skills," she remembers.

"I herded goats before school because we learned to respect work and value every coin," Naomi Ngunjiri, a grandmother from Tumutumu, Karatina, recalls. For her generation, chores were not punishment; rather, they were the rhythm of life, the invisible lessons that shaped character.

However, today, says Catherine, parenting, especially in urban areas and in modern homes, is a different scenario and tells another story.

True to this, Justina Naliaka, 35, from Kariobangi, and a mother of one, laughs at her wake-up call.

"My daughter called, crying from boarding school. She didn't know how to wash her clothes. I realised I had done her a disservice," she says.

Catherine says this is not an isolated case. She narrates how a university-bound teen once confessed he did not know how to fry an egg.

"When his parents sought intervention on another matter, the parents admitted that they never realised it would come haunting him in future. They told me that they thought they were protecting him, but now realised they had crippled him," says the expert.

According to Geoffrey Otieno, a psychologist, these are not small oversights, but rather they are cracks in the foundation of independence. "However, not all kids in the modern world hate chores; rather, some want fairness, while others find joy in helping," he says.

Dalian Mutiso, 12, says: "I don't like washing dishes every day when my sister just sits. If we shared, it would be okay." Aisha Ouma, 9, on the other hand, says she likes cooking with her mum. "She lets me stir ugali, and I feel proud," she says, beaming.

Professor Rebecca Wambua, a family counsellor, author of parenting journals and an educationist, says these voices remind us that chores can be punishment or bonding, depending on how parents frame them. She warns against misusing chores.

"When we say 'because you misbehaved, scrub the floor,' we make children associate work with punishment. Chores should be part of family teamwork," she says.

Sociologist Dr David Oduor points to a global shift: "Technology and globalisation have pulled kids away from communal work. Parents must balance modern academics with responsibility at home."

He says entitlement grows when children are shielded from responsibility but still rewarded. From tying shoelaces for a 10-year-old to cleaning up after a teenager, parents may unknowingly raise kids who believe service is owed to them.

Catherine insists it is not too late.

"Chores may not look like fetching firewood anymore. It could be sorting laundry, cooking dinner, or recycling. What matters is not what, but why: instilling responsibility and care."

Philip Lubembe, a father of three boys, says that the family has a routine where each child is assigned a task. The eldest makes dinner twice a week, the second born is assigned the task of ensuring the table room is tidy, while the youngest waters plants. "It makes them responsible. They know if they don't do it, the family suffers," he says.

The mother, Leah Lubembe, explains that the children are made to understand that these assignments are empowerment, and not punishment.

Dr Oduor says chores are not about a spotless floor, but they are about preparing children for independence. "They teach time management, empathy, and resilience, and when children contribute, they learn that effort matters, that family is a team, and that responsibility is not optional," he says.

Prof Wambua agrees with this and lists important quick fixes to raise responsible children, "Start early so that toddlers can pick toys or wipe spills; share fairly by rotating tasks so no child feels punished; model teamwork by letting children see you doing chores too; make it fun by using music, timers, or family challenges, and lastly, acknowledge effort by praising contribution, not perfection," says the expert.

In conclusion, as one wise grandmother said, "Work never killed a child. It only prepared them for life."