Let's talk about gentle parenting

Having been born in the 80s, I can relate to how children belonged to the community and how discipline was instilled by other adults; then reported to our parents for more.

We thrived in play, we rolled on the grass and climbed trees and fences then retired home with itchy legs from the grass pricks and covered in dust and a few sores and scratches. Television sets were under lock and key inside massive wall units and would only be watched during specific times, mostly when parents were home.

Mothers were the primary caregivers, while fathers were the providers. They would show up in the evening like heroes, carrying a newspaper and a kilo of meat and sit undisturbed on the special seat located at a corner of the house.

As much as they were physically present, there was little or no emotional connection with their children. Children were there to be seen, and not to be heard.

Enter the generation of gentle parenting, conscious parenting, permissive parenting, responsive parenting and many more versions. The generation where parents dealing with 'childhood wounds' and are cautious not to pass the same on to their children. 

A generation where fathers are accompanying mothers to children's clinics and mothers are actively going to work to contribute to household bills. A time when children's looks and talent development matter a lot.

The contemporary or the old-school way? Which kind of parenting produces responsible and wholesome adults?

Growing up, Ciiku Soxxy a contemporary parent and a mother of two was raised under strict rules and as much as she appreciates how strict her mother was, she has toned down a bit on her children by replacing punishments like caning with time outs, also allowing room for independent decision making and negotiation with her children in a bid to develop them into independent thinkers.

Jacinta Njihia on the other hand is an old-school parent who was authoritarian up until her children joined a boarding school that taught them how to be independent thinkers. They came back home bold and independent after the first term at the school, and this challenged her to convert into an authoritative parent who now validated their feelings and set boundaries with warmth.

Hamida Ahmed, a counselling psychologist acknowledges the importance of children being given room to make decisions and push boundaries as opposed to all decisions being made by parents in the old-school way.

She, however, is against some traits from modern-day parenting where parents seem to solve all their children’s problems, constantly hovering over them to ensure that they do not face any form of pain or discomfort and in a way trying to compensate for what they missed out while growing up.

She encourages parents to pick the good from the old school parenting and the good in the new school parenting and formulate a balanced formula that will help them bring up responsible adults.