How Ali Kiba's transgressions expose the intricacies of cheating in marriage

In the intricate dance of love and relationships, infidelity stands as a compelling yet delicate subject.

The recent revelations by Amina Khaleef, a Kenyan married to the Tanzanian music star Ali Kiba, have cast a spotlight on the challenges faced by couples, sparking conversations about respect, trust, and the complexities of fidelity.

In a candid social media post, Amina expressed her frustration, accusing Ali Kiba of disrespect and infidelity, leading her to seek freedom through divorce.

“While you are out socialising with others on the side, you exhaust me in this marriage, claiming to protect your image as my husband,” said Amina earlier this year.

Amina addressed the “Mapenzi yana Run Dunia” singer, expressing her frustration with their marriage and her desire for freedom. The mother of two made her plea public on her social media platforms, urging the singer to agree to her request for a divorce and describing him as an abuser who disrespects her.

“I feel the need to address this. I think it’s getting too much!!! I am tired of being publicly disrespected while people don’t understand what it is like to be somebody’s wife,” Amina Khaleef wrote in her post, addressing the divorce rumours surrounding their marriage. Having concluded that she is finished with the union and no longer envisions herself in the marriage, Amina criticized the father of her two sons. She accused him of keeping her trapped in a loveless marriage while he continues to engage with other women on the side.

However, this is not the first time the couple has shared their marital struggles on social media. In 2022, Amina declared her departure from Kiba’s family residence, citing the realization that she had married someone about whom she knew very little.

Discreet involvement

Radio host Diva the Bawse revealed in a candid post the previously undisclosed details of her discreet involvement with the married Ali Kiba.

“I told you so many times that you are a married man and even blocked you. I handled things peacefully, but with your anger, you are sending people to fight me,” the Diva said, adding, “Remember you pleaded to see me in the middle of the night, saying you cannot sleep without seeing me? Why did you cry last night then? Why did you say so many things yesterday?! Why all the madness and anger? You have the right to be hurt, yes, but don’t troll because you are hurt. You want to seem very confident, and yet you cry like a baby behind the scenes. Why? Be real. I can’t believe this.”

Other stories of infidelity have surfaced with Nairobi businesswoman Elizabeth Yogo stating that the rise of technology has created a new frontier for unfaithfulness.

“Social media and dating apps provide opportunities for individuals to engage in flirtatious or intimate conversations with people outside their relationships. Online relationships, if left unchecked, can escalate into a breach of trust,” she explained.

She explained: “A man should not be overly happy. First things first, deal with that happiness. You can’t be married and happy! Then the rest will follow.”

Another lady, who divorced early last year and also called Elizabeth, and preferred we use one name, explained that during that marriage, her husband’s cousin used to visit her with a friend. She says that anytime they visited their home, the husband would send her shopping or to the salon. She became curious and checked the phone to realize that the husband was sleeping with the lady in their matrimonial bed.

Another fed-up Kitui woman alleged that her husband, a pastor, had sponsored her return to secondary school for education to cohabitate with another woman. The distressed woman told the court that she found out about her then-husband’s extramarital affair during her second year in school.

She added that she confronted him about the adultery, and the man admitted. Unable to tolerate the infidelity, she filed for a court intervention to dissolve their marriage. At that point, the couple had three children together. However, the man accused his wife of committing adultery, alleging that she was unfaithful after returning to school.

However, the court did not find any evidence to support his claims. “To the contrary, it is stated and not denied that it is the man who is guilty of adultery and is currently cohabiting with another woman despite the fact that he is a pastor,” said Justice Lilian Mutende.

Multiple partners

According to a recent survey conducted by the Kenya National Bureau of Statistics (KNBS) report released in January this year, Kenyan men, on average, are involved with seven sexual partners concurrently, while women typically have two partners. The report also indicates that over the past year, men engaged in sexual encounters with individuals who were not their romantic partners, spouses, or cohabitants in the same household. The findings of the survey were widely accepted by those interviewed by The Nairobian, with many attributing the trend to the perception that “Nairobi is a large bedroom.” This perspective suggests that some individuals are hesitant to commit to relationships, while those already in relationships find it challenging to curb their desire for sexual adventures.

They said that it has become easier to find hookups in the city, agreeing with Bensoul, Sauti Sol, Nviiri the Storyteller, and Mejja’s song “Nairobi” that sings, “Nairobi Yule anakupea, pia ananipea, Akikuletea, ananiletea, Wanakula fare Sote tuna-share Ogopa sana Nairobi.” Martin, a lecturer, explained that he has always faked job trips outside the city to have time with his secret family still living in Nairobi.

“It is easy to fake a trip so that you get time with the other family or girlfriends and still report to work,” said Martin. He added that there’s a lot of casual stuff happening around town—people hooking up without any commitments or strings attached. “Basically, the whole hookup scene has become so normal that nobody really thinks it’s a big deal anymore,” he said. Many interviewed said that cheating during the daytime was safer than at night.

“Getting a lodging during the day and showering without soap will never let your partner suspect you. You go home in the evening comfortably like you were working,” said Jeff, who is married with two children.

Ann, who married after getting the first child, told The Nairobian that she intends to get a second born with her baby dad despite being married to another man. “I have a kid but I want to have another baby with my baby dad so that all my children have one father. My current husband won’t know,” she explained.

Kenyans who admitted cheating told The Nairobian that they keep two phones, where one is kept away from the family, and it is kept in the boot of the car.

“We have to delete all immediately after reading. They add no value to keeping them, and deleting them will save your life,” one Nafula stated.