Why couples are always at war

Why couples are always at war (Photo: iStock)

Clearly, as generations advance, what was meant to be the point of balance between men and women keeps shifting by a mile every so often. The result is a monumental conflict with charged energies that rival explosions in Gaza strip. The only difference is that the conflict between Israel and Palestine has an empirical cause because land occupancy is at the very centre of the volatility.

The hullabaloo surrounding modern relationships on the other hand has no clear foundation. The warring parties are either reluctant to point out the real cause or are clueless about why they keep fighting.

However, when all is said and done it boils down to power dynamics. Ladies are quickly becoming more masculinised while in exchange the men are gradually being emasculated. The net result is an amorphous set of personalities that can only compare to a chimpanzee with leopard spots. Now, that is a combination that would qualify as ugly.

Men are no longer in control of anything yet they still cut the same old masculine figure with a taller frame and broader shoulders compared to the women. Men have become so weak that they cannot even decide if a house needs a roof until they consult their better halves.

The mantra ‘happy wife, happy life ‘has completely wiped out the independence of men and taken away their ability to stand up for anything because they are dogged by the fear that any decision they make might offend memsahib and turn a peaceful home to the Vietnam of 1955.

Women on the other hand want to continue looking pretty and delicate. We would wish to keep away from every risk including cockroaches and other insects, yet we demand an equal share of power in as far as decision-making is involved on the home front. You see, todays man cannot even put on his yellow shirt decisively if he does not have the consent of mama watoto.

Most men would wear a green necktie, yellow shirt and blue shoes if that is what the woman wants. Apparently, men have shut down their brains and lost trust in their own ability to chart a way forward for themselves let alone lead a family. They are okay to be led around and herded like lost sheep while still biblically carrying the tag head of the family. I wonder how God feels watching this confusion from his vantage position above the skies!

The power balance has shifted so radically that we are left confused about moving forward. Pretty soon it will be us picking a machete and charging towards the door to meet any danger in the night instead of the men. Strangely, women innately hate holding power over a man, especially if it is in the context of family or relationships. We all want to come home to a beast that brings out our submissiveness automatically. We prefer to feel secure around a man and not the man ducking away from danger and shoving us into the space to fight on their behalf. Now, here is the confusion, we hate men who can control us, we consider them toxic but we also abhor men who cannot control us. The feminist streak is the modern woman loathes toxic masculinity yet we all melt at the sight of a powerful man that can lead us, protect us and provide for us and our children.

While the core of human relationship balance has remained unadulterated, we are overly busy on the surface crafting educational justifications that pull back men from the front and thrust us in the lead instead. Now, the reason why families cannot hold is because we cannot live our whole lives with a weaker man. Instead, we will exit that union, shower well and thrust ourselves back in the market to seek a macho man who can take us to fit in our feminine frame. We also are shopping relentlessly for men who we can trust in the line of provision and also stand in as a figure of authority to teach our sons how to be men in the future.

Some women resent everything that represents masculinity. They have volunteered to fight everything that stands for a man except the dildos that they submit to voluntarily, even calling them male names like Big Ted and Black Frank. We are a generation plagued by a myriad of scenes that demonstrate the level of deep-seated confusion regarding the place and role of men and women in society.


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