Why we need a 'Beba Beba' husband market

You know what we need in the current world? A Husband Market! We desperately need a market for these people. It’s that bad, honestly. We need somewhere we can go check for the type of humans we want to have and keep for life; the specifications and quality. It would save us time and energy and also save gullible men the agony they go through when they send fare to women who ain’t interested in them. Sounds like a deal? 

See, the modern dating game is hard and very exhausting! It’s actually a full-time job; you need to have thick skin, a rock for a heart and the proverbial nine lives of a cat to come out sane. With the wake of social media and a million filters on our phone camera settings, nothing is as disappointing as getting to the date venue and you’re seated there wondering who sent this one to you because they look nothing like the photos you’ve been awwing about and licking your phone screen, literally. Your jaw drops!

Dating means one has to put themselves out there to strangers for auditions! Yani because you want to be loved and liked by the other person, now you need to project the very best version of yourself. The more reason why we need to pick the kinda hubbies we want, is the tired, worn out ‘wife material’ phrase that has sent a good number of women into marriages they totally aren’t comfortable with. Because they want to fit in.

Look here - I am, say, an extrovert who likes and loves people, everyone. A social butterfly who goes out there meeting and listening to anyone and everything. Now just because I’ve met my date and I’m really trying to make things work, I’ll have to pretend to be likeable - drop or mute all my silly stories and hobbies. Start chewing silently and even pretend I know how to use a fork and knife in a restaurant, and leave my favourite cocktail glass half full, just so I get liked and loved to live happily ever after. Kwanza have you met these ones who call themselves introverts? You’ll have to fit into their silent, boring lives for love’s sake.

The current world is literally on its marks going and our country’s economy is harder than poorly cooked njahí. We need to wake up every morning and figure out how we’ll get out there and make that extra coin because it is getting tougher by the day. Now, who has time to go for 12 dates that turn out to be time-wasting and energy-draining?

You take your 17 hours thinking about this awesome person that you can’t wait to meet, check out your best of the best outfits for first impression, practice obese English in front of your bathroom mirror and struggle with how-to tutorials on drawing your eyes brows perfectly, only for you to go meet someone with nil grooming sense, who is rude to waiters, knows nothing about books and talks about themselves the entire date!

Nothing exhausts the body, mind and soul like walking home after such a boring date that makes you curse all your ancestors in the entire clan. So, why can’t we have an open-air husband market? Like, we have specific days for specific markets. For instance, we could do Gikomba on a Wednesday, midweek when everyone is at least relaxed. We have ‘camera’ husbands very early in the morning for the early risers. You get to Gikomba and find men of all walks of life, sizes, height and complexion lined up to be chosen. They’ll be having, say, small notebooks with their qualities written inside there. And of course a detailed statement of their bank accounts.  

Also, we need good material for these humans we wish to live with til Kingdom come. Women are tired of being picked picked like apples... scratch apples, like avocado. A market for husbands will ensure every child has its father present because the women would have chosen the qualities they want in partners. A deadbeat father would mean they’re taken back to the market for final auction with deadbeatism as a deal breaker.

People have been lucky to have husbands in their very first boyfriends. Well in. But for those who’ve been in this lengthy, exhausting and overwhelming process and dates after dates, we need a market. We’re tired. The constant nature of looking for love and a life partner is insanity in itself, and by the time one gets the one, they’re already too tired to date them. Tuth is, dating is a lot of work! Just get us these people on the market we pick what we want and go home!