Watch out sis: Nairobi men are the real gold-diggers

They talk big stories and call themselves entrepreneurs who don’t fancy being employed despite their rich academic and professional skills.

Over the recent years, women have fallen for men they found on these social streets or even dating Apps and sighed with relief that they have hit a jackpot. They develop butterflies in their stomachs, call their girlfriends to brag about the new man, and even start checking out Google for the most appealing baby names.

Print the His & Hers tees and all the best places to go for honeymoon and babymoon, whichever will come first. Because the man she has just met is the one she has been praying for. See, dude ticks all the boxes.

He tells all the sweet lies she wants to hear, those ones any girl would want to introduce to her kamati and take to her mother any time. Boy looks so well off, so polished, drives an extremely good machine, seductively well-trimmed beard, uses big English words, smells nice, and hangs out only in high-end joints.

Some of such men would be brave enough to state they are married but not ‘seriously married’ (whatever that means!). Some would be married but swear by their grandmothers’ graves that they’re as single as they come. They talk big stories and call themselves entrepreneurs who don’t fancy being employed despite their rich academic and professional skills. 

They’re mostly very minimal on social Apps. And also very selfish with their information. Would share a pic or two of themselves, or with their boys. No girlfriend no female on their socials apart from their mum or sisters. They would convince you into believing they just like their private life off social media because they’re busy people who don’t have time to waste on social sites. You’ll believe them.

Y’all women get attracted to these men because you see them looking all glam and yummy and sounding wise on social media. He supports Chelsea or Tottenham Hotspur or the Great Manchester City. Doesn’t do dirty politics like the ‘ordinary’ men. Supports feminism and never says those mean things about women. He has a dramatic (don’t know why they all call their baby mamas by this dramatic name) baby mama but he supports his kid. It's a trap, sister Mary! What you don’t know is that most of such men are living off their women’s purses and bank accounts. Wife or girlfriends, entirely are being kept by the current women in their lives and they badly simp behind the scenes to remain kept, loved, and relevant. Those date nights you see them on in the photos are proudly sponsored and paid for by their women whom they hide like bhang. 

The trips, staycations, and vacations are funded by the other gender. Those businesses they brag about and the cars they drive are owned by the girls. These polished men are kept but you’ll hardly guess. Some who are married (but single) and whom you might have the chance to know their wives at a distance, will be so careful they’d take an Oscar for the best husband on these sides of Africa.  Also, their women are mostly book-smart but not street-smart.

Taking care of their bundles of joy

They’ll make it look like theirs are the most romantic and caring men who would spend their last dime on them. They don’t mention the careless philandering and the months they stay without conjugal rights and they neither hint that they’re the ones who clear all bills. She’ll be home taking care of their bundles of joy as he spends his best moments with the love of his life, using her(wife’s) money.

Now you’re there wondering why this man isn’t taking you to those posh places, road trips, and staycations that he talks about. Kumbe jamaa is a simp backdoor and is simply checking out to see if you can as well spend on him and keep him. You expect him to spoil you but instead, he wants to come and spend at yours stretching his scaly legs on your couch and wrapping arms around you with his hairy armpits. You wait to be taken on holiday but your guy is wondering why you don’t pay bills on dates when you actually drive a good car and have a well-paying job.

Don’t celebrate yet and start checking out on your tailor for the latest kitenge. Don’t get yourself off the market because of such a kept man. Don’t also, work so hard wanting to snatch him from his wife whom you think doesn’t deserve such a ‘good man’. She is the boss, ma’am. It is a raw deal. Very raw. Sit down and guard your heart. You’re not yet there!