To men, sex is just sex. They do not place any value on it. Marriage sex, relationship sex and casual sex are all the same to them. They know they are valuable and that their worth is not affected by their sex lives and yet women spend all their lives worrying about body counts and placing all their self-worth on the number of people they have slept with.
I do not know what it is about having a body count of two that grants women respect. They all claim to have slept with their first boyfriend and their immediate ex when they are getting into talking stages and that number remains constant even though we all know it is a lie.
I do not see what the huge difference is between sleeping with 50 different men on different occasions and sleeping with the same man 50 times. Apart from it happening with only one person, it does not change the fact that you had sex 50 times. And yet, women feel the need to lie about it. And men too, expect you to lie to them. Most of them have sex indiscriminately but weirdly enough they have a preference for virgins
The consequence of this is that women suffer in love and flings because they somehow can't untie their worthiness to sex. They give every man they encounter the power to judge them by putting too much importance into how they are perceived.
Sometimes, they complicate casual sex by trying to attach some meaning to it for the gain of dignity as if there was any difference between having sex within a relationship and having it outside of one. At the end of the day, every sexual encounter enjoyed outside the confines of marriage is all infidelity and I will never understand why we have to be so disingenuous and prudish about it.
I understand societal pressure, slut shaming, and the influence of religion in promoting purity culture as the ideal way of life. Purity culture, though, would dictate that we all marry as virgins and that does not happen often. I don't even think it happens anymore anywhere else apart from cultures where girls are married off at ten. We continue to lie about body counts because we are a society full of people who are hypocritical enough to think there is one kind of sex that is more moral than the other.
Some Nairobi relationships last two weeks at most. The rest can barely survive one month.
What is it about a one-night stand that degrades a person when they have sex but doesn't degrade them when they have it with a boyfriend they have only known for two days as it happens in this town?
Someone does not lose their self-respect when they have a one-night stand and I would want women to understand that. Your value as a person is intrinsic. It cannot be taken away by another person simply because they went down on you. We give men too much power to determine what is moral for us when they do not abide by those morals themselves.
You are allowed to reject casual sex on the basis that sex isn't just sex for you but pegging your whole self-worth to your sexual partners is playing yourself. In a world where men look at it as a means of pleasure, women should be trying to get to that point too.
Shame is such a heavy burden to carry and women have carried it for a millennium or more. It is time we all collectively stopped lying about body counts, and hiding the fact that women too do enjoy sex, and see if the world will burn because women are having sex as freely as men do.
Moreover, thinking you have to give men a reason to devalue you is willingly lying to yourself. They devalue women because they are inherently misogynistic not because women have and enjoy sex that does not come with any strings attached to it.
You could have a body count of 1, and he of 30, and he would still think of you as inferior to him. There is no winning in this game. You can as well have sex freely and let the world judge you for having pleasure. It is a form of self-hate to place yourself in a box of purity that does not come with any gold medals or cash prizes.